Lasik: A List of Post Op Must Haves

My zombie eyes are slowly healing. Thank God. On the other hand, I haven't worn makeup for about a week now. So I might as well have zombie eyes to match my mascara-less, foundation-less zombie face.

In case my last blog post didn't terrify you enough to avoid Lasik forever, then check out this mini list of post-op necessities for your future Lasik endeavors:

Pinterest

1. NyQuil...or Vodka, whichever is more easily accessible.  Immediately after your surgery you're going to want to sleep. A lot. Your surgeon may have given you a Valium. Take it. 
2. Sunglasses. Lights will annoy you. Especially at night. So yes, you will look like that cool douchebag wearing sunglasses inside and at night. Get over it. 
3. Baseball Hat. Simple. This will temporarily replace the job of your makeup. It will hide your pale face.

   

   That's me on the left, hiding my post-Lasik pale,
    no makeup, zombie-eye face.

4. Prescription Eye Drops. Your doc will send you home with two types of eye drops. One will be a steroid to help your eye heal. The other will prevent infection. Use them or lose them. Seriously, your eyeballs will probably shrivel and fall out if you don't. 
5. Ibuprofen. The steroid drops your doctor will give you may cause headaches. Or lights may cause headaches. Or the vodka you drank after your surgery may cause headaches. In other words, just keep Ibuprofen nearby. Just in case. (I actually have a headache right now. What can I say, I'm a dedicated blogger.) 
6. Artificial Tears: Systane Ultra eye drops are great for dryness. I keep them on my nightstand, in my jacket pockets, in my car glove box, etc... Remember how I mentioned that my eyes would seal shut like a secret Egyptian tomb when I fell asleep with contact lenses? Yeah, that's how waking up everyday post Lasik goes. This should subside within three months. No pain, no gain, eh? 
7. Sexy Eye Shields (and tape).  I taped these chick magnets to my face every night for five days post surgery. They help prevent scratching your corneal flap off. Enough said.

Overall, it's not that bad. I now see 20/15. I might even apply to become a Navy Seal. Who knows what's next! All I know is now I can run, swim, spin, and hike without worrying about losing a lens. My glasses will never again slide down my sweaty nose. And I won't face the dilemma of choosing between a headband or glasses because you know both don't fit behind my ears at the same time. And I can sleep at night without worrying...about this: 

Win! 

Lasik and My New Zombie Eyes

No one told me that I would have subconjunctival hemorrhages post Lasik surgery. Until I googled it today, I didn't even know what subconjunctival hemorrhages were. In simple terms, they are zombie eyes.

Check out the striking similarities:



Walking Dead Zombie Eyes



My  Eerily Similar Zombie Eye

I got Lasik this past Thursday. Why? Here are a few of my reasons:

• A cat walks past me and its dander and fur and dirt particles gravitate toward me and cover the surface of my contact lenses.
• A dog walks past me and its dander and fur and dirt particles gravitate toward me and cover the surface of my contact lenses = pain and rage ensue.
• I walk into a house or building with forced air - all dust particles gravitate toward and nestle under my contact lenses, resulting in burning pain and discomfort...and squinty eyes.
• I go for a run and my contact lens decides to say "screw this, I'm out" -- jumps out of my eye onto sidewalk never to be found again.
• I run a Tough Mudder and get electricuted during an obstacle, face plant into mud water where all the dirt and mud particles make a nest behind my contact lenses. I ditch the lenses in the middle of the woods.
• Spinning class at LA Fitness -- contact lens leaps out of my eye and lands on disgusting dusty bike in front of me
• Fall asleep for more than five minutes with contacts = eyes stuck shut
• Camping with contacts = might as well put the burning embers of the bon fire into my eyes, because that's exactly where all the smoke goes.

 

When I ran the Tough Mudder in 2013 and ditched my lenses in the middle of the woods, that was my breaking point. I had to get Lasik.

I decided to go to the SWPA Eye Center for no other reason than I am extremely lazy with researching that kind of thing and purely trusted my friend's opinion who recently got the same laser surgery done there.

No big deal. Everyone I knew who got it said it was quick, painless and easy-peasy.



Pre-op, about to get some Lasik!

THEY ALL LIED.

Now, don't get me wrong. Painful isn't really the way I would describe Lasik. It's not painful at all, it's more uncomfortable than painful. Imagine aliens trying to abduct and enter your body through your eye balls. Then imagine going temporarily blind while this is on your eye:



Eye clamps during Lasik

Your eye ball is numb, yes, but you are 100% cognizant of the jabbing, poking, prodding and scrapping happening to your precious eyes. They did give me a little stress ball to squeeze. I was hoping for something more like a fifth of Vodka and a bottle of Valium. Alas, I settled for the stress ball.

Me, thinking I'm about to meet God.

 Overall, the surgery took about 35 minutes. Everyone said it would take seconds per eye. But when you're freaking out, twitching and sweating uncontrollably, that apparently adds a few extra minutes to the clock. Nothing against my surgeon or his amazing assistant, I was just freaking out hardcore. I've seen movies like Awake and heard of too many horror stories of doctors leaving scissors and scalpels in spleens and stomachs.

By the way, here's a video of a procedure in case you're feeling brave:

 

An hour drive home with uncontrollable waterworks -- I wasn't crying, my eyes just wouldnt stop watering through my super cool eye shields and sunglasses -- and one Valium later, I was at home in my bed sleeping like a newborn.

Three hours later I woke up and drank this delicious Bailey's-saturated milkshake and downed Nyquil like a suburban housewife in Weeds. Back to bed.



My sexy eye shields.

 My post-op eye shields, zombie eyes (yes both are beaming red beauties), absolutely no makeup for one week and all that operating room horror described above...ALL WORTH IT. I now have 20/20 vision. Waking up and seeing the trees and all of their tiny little glorious branches is something no one should take advantage of.

I will never again fumble for my glasses on the nightstand. I will never freak out in the night after thinking my sweatshirt hanging on the closet door is a buglar. I won't stab my eyeballs with my lens-covered finger or go for a run with a ripped lens AGAIN.

Pittsburgh: A City for Peanut Butter Bicycle Bars

"The Banana Seat" from OTB on Carson Street

 

It's not what you think. Honest.

 

That picture looks somewhat disgusting. I know.

 

But wrapped inside those little fried bacon blankets exists incredible banana slices, warmed to perfection. Both lie atop a spread of delicious, creamy homemade peanut butter from Pittsburgh's own Wholey's.  All that on top of a turkey burger, my friends. Add a splash of ketchup, and I swear you'll say "Burgatory who?"

 

This is what I discovered on my "rest day" bike ride to the Southside. I know, I know. I've preached about how important rest days are. But when the forecast predicts 79 and SUNNY, an out-of-towner would think every single building and residence in Pittsburgh had a fire drill. People flock to the great outdoors when the sun shows its face in Pittsburgh.

 

My day started with a bike ride to church at the Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community (HMBFC). The HMBFC is actually a church that exists in the Southside that was once a bar. Yes, they actually turned a bar into a church, not the reverse. And it happens to be incredibly accessible by bike. They don't even mind if you show up in padded spandex pants either. Win!

 

Bike racks outside of HMBFC

Three Rivers Heritage Trail, Friends of the Riverfront

 

From our church, we took a short ride over to OTB Bicycle Cafe, where I made out with that beauty of a burger shown above. If peanut butter and bacon aren't your thing, they even have a "secret" Paleo menu, for the health-conscious populace.

Aubrey and Abby enjoying a little outside seating action.

OTB parking

After OTB, we rode to Point State Park, all accessible by trail (for the exception of about three bike-friendly blocks). To see just how bike-friendly Pittsburgh has become, check out BikePgh's website. REI also gives free bike maintenance classes, as well as other sessions on how to show your bike a little TLC.

Point State Park, Pittsburgh PA

From the Point, I highly recommend spinning your wheels up the Allegheny to Redfin Blues, a raw bar and grille that seemingly fell from space onto Washinton's Landing but should only exist on a Florida coastline. Order a Corona and shrimp cocktail, and you'll expect to see dolphins jumping in the river.

Before returning home, we popped into the Milkshake Factory back on Carson for a little more gluttony.

I was really busy eating more peanut butter (in milkshake form) to take
 a picture so I borrowed one from Allison Lehman.



Biking around Pittsburgh and stopping to eat a few times makes blowing off a "rest day" and working out for six consecutive days all worth it. After all, "it's all about balance," right?

Spring in Pittsburgh.

Smithfield Street Bridge - Photo by Danielle Gerson

When the weather starts to break in Pittsburgh, something magical happens. Neighbors -- after months of hibernation -- wave hello while shielding their eyes from the flaming ball in the sky that hasn't been seen in months. Parks pack with puppies and children. Pitt students cover every inch of grass at Schenley Plaza, clad in their bikinis and flip flops. Because why not? It's 60 degrees and that's perfectly normal here.

Credit: Pinterest

As a Pittsburgh native, spring truly makes me grateful. We wouldn't truly appreciate 66 degrees and mostly sunny if actually had more than 60 days of sun each year.

 

No seriously. I'm foreal.

 

Pittsburgh only has about 50 sunny days and 103 partly sunny days each year. That's a total of 162 days with sun. That leaves 203 days of angry clouds and slushy snow storms. And according to my math, that makes perfect sense because that's exactly how long our winter feels.

 

 

So as a little sun salutation, I've taken most of my workouts outside this week.

 

Monday: Rest day. Amen.

Tuesday: Ran 5 miles on the Eliza Furnace Trail starting underneath the Birmingham Bridge.

Eliza Furnace Trail, by Danielle Gerson



Smithfield Street Bridge, by Danielle Gerson

Wednesday: Started to bike to the gym, realized it was too cold, turned around, drove to the gym.

• Ran 2.5 miles on treadmill
• 3 sets of 5 pull ups (with spot)
• 3 sets of 12 lat pull downs
• 3 sets of 12 tricep rope pull downs
• 3 sets of 12 shoulder press
• 3 sets of 12 standing cable row
• 3 sets of 12 bicep cable curl
• 3 sets of 12 back extensions

Thursday: TODAY! 10 mile bike ride (including up the Greenfield Avenue mountain, which is a workout in and of itself). Then 3 mile hike through Frick Park. The high today was in the upper 60's, so I tried staying outside as much as possible.

They turned Pocusset Street next to Schenley into a bikes only road! :)

Eliza Furnace trail head

Friday: 2 mile quick run.

Saturday: Total Body Conditioning class at LA Fitness then volunteering to walk dogs at the White Oak Animal Safe Haven.

Sunday:  This was supposed to be a rest day. (See post from April 13, 2014.)

I'm looking forward to more sunny days. Hell, I'll even take the partly sunny days. Because in Pittsburgh, that means it's time to throw on a tank top, flip flops (or running shoes) and get outside.

 

Forty Days.

This year I gave up three things for Lent.

Despite being raised half Jewish/half Christian (Presbyterian and Methodist if we're going to split hairs), I decided to join in on the Lenten tradition. As if forgoing delicious milk chocolate in all its glorious varieties wasn't enough, I also let go of soda and fried food too. Yes, glistening golden deep fried food. So I can't even enjoy a little Friday fish fry action.

1.

2.

3. 

This is getting painful...

Several weeks ago on that Fat Tuesday evening (as I bit into a delicious, greasy burger piled high with fried onion strings and sipped on a chocolaty milkshake from Burgatory) I thought, "this will be great!" I will cut back on refined sugars and useless saturated fats and empty carbs for 40 days. Then, upon the 40th day, I won't even desire chocolate, fried food and soda ever again. Right? 

Wrong. I've outsmarted myself, and now I've discovered loop holes for not-so-healthy substitutes.

1. Instead of soda -- beer.

2. Instead of chocolate -- vanilla.

  

3. Instead of fried food -- baked EVERYTHING.  

 

_____________________________________________________________

FAIL.

Okay, so I'm slightly exaggerating about bingeing on beer and baked goods, but giving up my three favorite types of food has been interesting to say the least. It has raised a new level of consciousness when walking down the aisles of the grocery store. I've ordered more water at restaurants than ever before. And it might surprise you how half the menu of any restaurant disappears when you eliminate deep fried foods altogether.

I can relate this forty day stretch to running a marathon. Like any long term commitment, the challenge comes in making smalls decisions each step of the way -- choosing the "next right thing." Like the cool dude on the Segway in the video above puts it:

"There is always sometime during lent that you think about -- you wish you didn't give it up, but when you get to the end you always feel good about it." 

So I shall continue to push forward chocolate-less and somewhat moody. But on the 40th day, I will look back and feel proud that I could do what I once thought was impossible. That may seem minuscule, but I don't think I have ever gone without chocolate (or the other two) for more than a few days in 28 years. So I will leave you with this quote: “There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.”

Have a great day! And if you see me near chocolate, fried food or soda, tell me to BE STRONG. I could use the moral support.